In the winter of 2014, Sony Pictures was gearing up for the release of the controversial Seth Rogen-led comedy, “The Interview.” This film, which satirized Kim Jong Un and North Korea, caused numerous issues for Sony, including a highly publicized hack that led to the leaking of sensitive internal data. Among the wealth of leaked information were discussions and emails outlining Sony Pictures’ early plans to create their own “Spider-Man” universe to rival Marvel Studios’ success.
These plans, stemming from the lukewarm reception of “The Amazing Spider-Man 2,” ranged from ambitious to downright questionable. They included ideas like an espionage prequel centered around Spider-Man’s Aunt May, spin-offs focusing on various villains as anti-heroes, and a sequel delving deeper into Peter Parker’s parents’ story.
However, none of these plans materialized. Sony eventually collaborated with Marvel to revamp the “Spider-Man” franchise, resulting in the casting of Tom Holland and integrating the character into the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU). Fast forward a decade later, and it seems Sony Pictures has found success with their “Spider-Man” properties, right?
Enter “Madame Web” in 2024, a film that seems out of sync with its time. This Valentine’s Day release is reminiscent of the ideas floated in the Sony leaks from years ago, combining them into a disastrous cinematic concoction. The result is an utterly unwatchable blockbuster.
TOP FIVE OF “MADAME WEB”
5. Weak Spot: The Entire Story
In “Spider-Man” comics, Madame Web is typically depicted as an elderly, blind, and physically impaired woman who possesses the ability to perceive events from other dimensions while seated on her throne at the heart of the Spider-Verse. Often portrayed as an antagonist, she plays a significant role in the Spider-Man universe.
However, in the film “Madame Web,” this character concept takes a bizarre turn. The movie follows a young and mobile woman, played by Dakota Johnson, who possesses sporadic glimpses into the immediate future. She endeavors to safeguard a group of teenage girls from Ezekiel Sims, a villain with similar precognitive abilities. Sims, bitten by an Amazonian spider decades earlier during an attempt to kill Madame Web’s pregnant mother, envisions these girls dressed as Spider-Women assassinating him in the future.
If this plot sounds convoluted, that’s because it is. “Madame Web” embraces its nonsensical storyline, seemingly relishing in its absurdity rather than attempting to rationalize it. The film bombards viewers with a relentless onslaught of perplexing creative choices, disjointed editing, forced dialogue, and abrupt narrative shifts. It overwhelms the audience to the point of bewilderment, leaving them in a state of utter confusion.
4. Weak Spot: The “Spider-Man” Prequel That Wasn’t
Hysterically, “Madame Web” is also a genuine swing at making a prequel to the “Spider-Man” films. Which Spider-Man, you might ask? Well, that’s a tricky subject, seeing as the clear answer is Tom Holland’s iteration of the character, given that this is set in 2003 and goes out of its way to make that timeline at least somewhat work out. But that is decidedly not the case anymore, as “Madame Web”‘s cast and crew have clarified on multiple occasions throughout the press tour.
So the result is now a standalone film that just also spends egregious amounts of its runtime leaving room for audiences to salivate over the fact that young and handsome Uncle Ben, who tells us he’s met the future Aunt May offscreen. There’s a lot of hamfisted prequelizing here, the absolute most insulting of which is made even funnier by how explicitly tied into “Spider-Man” it is, spoon-feeding the audience to cringe-inducing results every step of the way.
The writing on the wall is pretty obvious here: this was designed to be a prequel to the Tom Holland-starring “Homecoming” and the like, but Marvel Studios vetoed that after seeing the quality of the film and realizing the long-lasting implications this film idiotically and haphazardly makes. From the establishing of multiple spider-people in New York City two decades prior to Spider-Man’s arrival on the scene, to canonizing the idea that Spider-Man apparently took inspiration for his outfit from infamous serial killing villain Ezekiel Sims, to the fact that there’s apparently an entire Amazonian society of super-powered spider-people natives, “Madame Web” throws a whole lot of shit at the fan, and Marvel Studios assuredly didn’t want to have to deal with the resulting splatter.
3. Weak Spot: The Sony Pictures “Spider-Man” Spin-Off Ouevre
In 2018, despite signing a deal with Marvel Studios that brought Spider-Man into the MCU, Sony Pictures proceeded with several spinoff ideas of their own, as a sort of bonus. These films, branded with the now-infamous ‘in association with Marvel’ label, have become a sub-franchise in their own right. With two “Venom” films, “Morbius,” the upcoming “Kraven the Hunter,” and “Madame Web,” Sony has built a collection of releases that baffle modern audiences.
While other superhero franchises like Marvel Studios and DC have focused on escalating scale and stakes, Sony’s films have remained fixed on a singular source of inspiration: 2003’s “Catwoman.” For reasons beyond comprehension, this reviled early-’00s superhero film appears to have served as the blueprint for Sony’s spin-offs. “Madame Web” brings this connection full circle with its 2003 setting, openly embracing this peculiar creative influence.
From its camerawork to its jarring editing to its bewildering story structure, “Madame Web” is Sony Pictures’ most overt homage to “Catwoman” yet. It’s a culmination of sorts, albeit one that few audiences will be eager to endure.
2. Weak Spot: The Villain
Ezekiel Sims is the villain of “Madame Web.” Like “Venom,” “Venom: Let There Be Carnage,” and “Morbius” before it, “Madame Web” features a villain who essentially has the exact same power-set as its protagonist. And much like those other films, the result is a boring, dull, instantly forgettable antagonist with nary a single definable motivation in sight beyond ‘beat the good guy.’
Unlike those other villains, Ezekiel Sims is easily the worst element in an already excruciating film. Played by Tahar Rahim (who is innocent here for the record, he has delivered phenomenal work before, especially in Jacques Audiard’s “A Prophet”), his performance has been inexplicably over-dubbed with endless ADR (the film has a ton of ADR, but no one else’s entire performance gets plastered over quite like this) for essentially the entirety of the film. Not only is this ludicrously distracting from an audio standpoint (every single line he says sounds like it was recorded in a cupboard and sticks out like a sore thumb compared to the rest of the sound mix) but also from a visual standpoint, as entire lines of dialgoue just flat-out don’t even begin to match up with his lips.
The result is an absolute migraine-inducing trainwreck anytime Ezekiel is onscreen. It had an almost Pavlovian effect on me, where every time he showed up, I had to suppress anxiety about the brain-scrambling incoherence I was about to be forced to endure.
1. Weak Spot: What Even Is This Movie?
What is “Madame Web?” It’s a superhero ensemble movie in which the majority of the heroes don’t even get their powers onscreen by the story’s end. It’s a villain origin story that does nothing to even begin to convey how its titular character could become a villain. It’s a “Spider-Man” prequel that has been retroactively disowned from any canonicity, so it might as well not be, despite the fact that its entire structure bends over backward to ensure that it can be. It is a Dakota Johnson-starring vehicle that Dakota Johnson seems to openly fucking hate. It is a tale of fate and destiny that could not possibly capture those concepts with less awe or reverence on film if it deliberately tried. It is a film with a “Groundhog’s Day”-esque hook that decides to utilize it to force audiences to watch Dakota Johnson perform mundane tasks like taking off a jacket or partaking in perfunctory baby shower guessing games multiple times in a row.
So what is “Madame Web?”
It is a black hole of creative intent: a vapid byproduct of spreadsheet and AI-fueled financial analysis that only drives you further toward the brink of insanity the longer you consider it.
RGM GRADE
(F)
I admire and respect many people who worked on “Madame Web.” S. J. Clarkson has proven herself to be an exceptional director before this, with beautiful stints on shows like “Bates Motel” and “Jessica Jones.” I find Dakota Johnson to be really remarkable when given room to breathe, with her performance in Luca Guadagnino’s “Suspiria” remaining a transcendent high-water mark of her entire career.
And “Madame Web” isn’t their fault at all. I can only imagine the hellish conditions under which Clarkson and co. were working, attempting to construct something meaningful within the confines of a million different, conflicting mandates.
But “Madame Web” is truly, genuinely awful.
